The Tour

To take us into the weekend, Scott leads us on a guided tour of things Thompson:

Here are some really great pics from Arkansas, where I went last year to the Thompson family reunion.

This picture is of Grandma Thompson's house when she was a kid. It's way out in the country.

This is a pic of my grandparents' grave stone. This is Grandma's parents. A grave visit is very important to their generation.

The church where grandpa first preached.

Another grave, this one for Grandma Thompson's grandparents, my great grandparents. (grandma Waldron's parents). It was taken in a far away hidden little graveyard.

Auntie and Uncle John's house. A place where we all have great memories.

The Pocahontas courthouse-in the center of town.

The bridge over the Black River. Crossing this was fun - the Thompsons were on one side, the Waldrons/Washams were on the other side.

Titus is Fake

Matt sent in some pictures of his towheaded family and the first thing that stands out is that Titus is obviously fake. He's too perfect-looking, like he was made out of porcelain and designed by Gerber focus groups. Evidence:



Cole does a remarkable job of keeping up the charade. But we know that Titus is still fake:


These baby-like hand gestures aren't fooling anybody:



More fakeness:


This is what really gave it away. Look at how much they oversold the whole food-on-a-baby's-face thing. Nice try.


The more I look at these pictures, the more I'm wondering: is Mary real?


Does that look like a real person to you? And come to think of it, has anybody ever seen Mary get mad or do anything even remotely not-calm ever? Ever??


Now Matt and Cole: obviously crazy and so obviously real.

But if Cole was fake, this is what he'd look like short-circuiting:

What you can't hear from looking at this picture is the mechanical sound of Titus's head swiveling to the side:


Yeah, totally fake. But totally cute anyway.

Claire's Karate Routine

Highly focused and precise. Fear the Dragon!

Priorities of Gabe

Ask Gabe for pictures that provide a glimpse into his life and you'll get a shot of his car, his dog and the man himself in winteresque surroundings with vaguely snowboarding overtones. In other words, nothing less than a photojournal of his priorities.

The Bachelor Lifestyle of Richard Scott

By now Richard has become somewhat of a celebrity on this blog for his bachelor lifestyle, which he's on record admitting consists of raging video game abuse and gratuitous Cardinals baseball attendance. We managed to catch up with him outside last week's Cardinals game when he emerged staggering in a hot-dog-induced stupor.

RICHARD

[Note. At press time we were unable to secure any actual photos of Richard or his bachelor Valhalla, so we're running a shot of notorious bachelor Matthew McConaughey instead, as well as a shot we found on the internet that we think might resemble Richard's pad.]



Describe your hairstyle in two words or less.
- Completely shaved

What is your favorite song?

- Final Countdown by Europe

What is the last thing that totally blew your mind.

- The Cardinals winning the world series.

How's your love life?

- Average at best

If there's one dessert you could eat until it hurts, what would it be?

- Grandma's cookies

When is your bedtime?
- 12

Einstein said: "A table, a chair, a bowl of fruit and a violin. What else does a man need to be happy?" Customize this quote to fit yourself.

- A brat, a beverage, and a babe, all at Busch Stadium. What else does a man need to be happy?

What is your most under appreciated attribute?

- My humor

What is your pet's name?

- Don't have one. ( I want a doberman)

How much can you bench press?

- More than you can.

Wait, have you been talking to Chris? Quick, how old are Betty and Leroy Thompson?
- Mid '70s

And what are they really doing with all that free time?

- Preparing for next year's thanksgiving.

Will you announce your candidacy this year?

- Might as well start calling me Mr. President

Breaking News: New Chris Tattoo Not Right After All

Authorities are still trying to determine what led Chris Johnson to tattoo the wrong coordinates to his forearm in a mixup that many are saying is "not surprising." The tattoo, which Johnson received last week and believed to be the coordinates of the hospital where his daughter Sepporah was born, was discovered over the weekend to be, in fact, the location of a Burger King in Windsor, Ontario. The discovery ran on drudgereport.com Saturday morning and was picked up by CNN.com that evening.

"I'm not really sure how this happened," said an exasperated Johnson, who admitted his topography skills are "not the greatest." Still, Johnson seemed determined to see the bright side. "I heard that when Johnny Depp broke up with Winona Ryder he had his tattoo changed from WINONA FOREVER to WINO FOREVER by removing the N and A," Johnson said. "Maybe I can do something like that."

Mark Tandy, night manager at the Windsor Burger King said he's never heard of anything like this happening before at his restaurant and added, "Double Whoppers are on special this summer. You tell the Johnsons they're welcome to stop by any time."

We will bring you more on this late breaking story as it develops.

Big Bertha, Big Laughs

Grandma Betty writes:

When Steve was in high school, grandpa teased him to no end about a girl he called Big Bertha. As it would turn out, she sat by him at graduation. Well, what goes around comes around and this year Steve found the perfect Father's Day card for his dad. I am attaching a copy of it. Steve writes: "I thought this card was perfect. After all the years of teasing -- back at you." Grandpa put it on the refrigerator and we have had lots of laughs. He says it's Big Bertha and her sisters.

Fireworks

Well, this blog is turning out to be fun. Fun for me to maintain and, it sounds like, fun for you guys to read.

My vision of what this can be is a document made in small fragments that, over time, will accumulate into something bigger and meaningful. If you just stop and think back on all that's changed in your life and your family's life in the past year - all that change happened in small steps. Now we have a way to be part of the changes happening in our extended family, as it happens, rather than just getting the highlights every six months, or only finding out about the really big or really bad news.

So I really hope that everyone will begin making a habit of taking a few extra seconds every week or so to send me something that I can post - anything that gives the rest of us, who don't have the benefit of living near you, anything to get a sense of what your life is about. Notes, jokes, pictures, video, amusing stories, articles that inspired you, music that you can't get out of your head. I know that, as a father, I could blog every day just about the brilliant stuff Claire does. Add to that my own pursuits and the beautiful times I share with Kirsten and... well, there's no reason anybody should have trouble contributing if it's something they want to do. But only do it if you enjoy it. And if you enjoy reading this, you can bet that everybody else will enjoy reading about you, and about your kids, dogs, guitar solos, bad sense of direction, tattoos, scrabble victories....

---

To take us into the holiday weekend (during which I am going to thoroughly enjoy myself, relaxing and making music), I thought I'd post some pictures from Tuesday night. Kirsten and I took Claire to the Farmington Hills fireworks show. It was amazing and Claire ate it up.

Sepporah Comes Clean

My adorable little niece Sepporah took a quick break between dance class and her two-a-day cross-training regimen to answer the Thompson Questionnaire. She answered the questions while sipping Gatorade, downing Whey Protein shakes and scarfing power bars. And I'm pretty sure she was doing isometrics underneath her jacket the whole time.

SEPPORAH

Describe your hairstyle in two words or less.

Hot Mess

What is your favorite song?

Disappearing One by Chris Cornell [This has been confirmed by other sources. - Ed.]

What is the last thing that totally blew your mind.

My baseball skills…like father like daughter.

You might want to rethink the whole, Like Father Like Daughter thing.

Huh?

How's your love life?

Sawyer is great. He’s potty trained now, so next step is moving out from my parent's house.

If there's one dessert you could eat until it hurts, what would it be?

Cake n’ Shake from Cold Stone.

When is your bedtime?

My dad thinks it is 9 cause that is when he goes to bed….poor sap.

Einstein said: "A table, a chair, a bowl of fruit and a violin. What else does a man need to be happy?" Customize this quote to fit yourself.

A couch, a pillow, a bowl of popcorn and a Disney movie. What else does a girl need to be happy?

What is your most under appreciated attribute?

My six pack.

What is your pet's name?

Diego and Shelby

How much can you bench press?

It appears a lot more than you.

Did your dad tell you to say that?

Yeah.

Do you do make every joke your dad says you should make?

Probably shouldn't, huh?

Probably not. Quick, how old are Betty and Leroy Thompson?

Who is that? GG and Gpa? I don’t know……I know grandpa takes his teeth out so I am going to say very old.

And what are they really doing with all that free time?

Getting ready for thanksgiving so they have enough food to feed baby Cole and baby Titus.

Cole's not a baby anymore.

I know, but you are.

Dad's joke?

Yeah.

Shoulda kept it. Will you announce your candidacy this year?

No, but my right bicep might…here, want to feel it?

Ok. Let's go have a talk with dad...

Evening Edition: Kristen's Birthday

In rereading my "interview" with Stephen, I just realized that when he said Kristen turns 24 "Wednesday," that meant today.

KRISTEN IS 24!

Happy Birthday Kristen.

I might have been more on top of this if I could get in touch with her. As it is, we at Thompson Madness have tried ambushing her with our cameras at work and outside her apartment but have gotten nothing in the way of comment - she's quite an elusive little thing.

Here's to hoping she makes an appearance here soon. But if she's as sweet and shy as I remember, I'm sure the last thing she wants is more pressure. So I'll just shut up now.

Barbara Walters Interviews Stephen!

Hi, and welcome to another Barbara Walters special. I'm Daniel Johnson, sitting in for Barbara Walters. Our guest today is Stephen Thompson. We wanted to ask him about his sexy new figure, wife Karen's wild romp through Jellystone, whether or not his recent cancer surgery would derail his plans to show art in the Southwest this summer and just what is up with all those bulldogs.

Thompson Madness: Let's start with the obvious. You're looking positively svelte!

I am 25 pounds lighter than a year ago and everyone is jealous.

TM: It's true. I'm jealous. So, that was quite a scare you gave us this year. Cancer, stomach removal. While you're recuperating will you still make the trip to showcase and sell your amazing art (thompson-western-art.com) in the Southwest like you did last summer?

No--I am not doing any shows this summer. I can't lift the booth roof.

TM: That hurts. Can't the dogs be trained to handle those kinds of things?

I'm not sure what you--

TM: So what about that Karen and her wild yearly escapade?

Karen's trip was great. I hear bits and pieces every night when I get home. I'll see if she can send you some detail--although I am not sure she's willing to tell. What happens at Jellystone stays at Jellystone.

TM: Indeed it does, Stephen. Ha ha ha (wink, wink). Indeed it does!

What's the next question?

TM: Nate. Let's talk about Nate.

As far as Nate goes, he's growing but the same as always - very obsessed with grades and doing well. Karen and I had to tell him to have some fun at college - imagine that, parents having to tell their kid to chill. He's doing well.

TM: I can't imagine that. Not without crying a little. Have I ever told you about the time my mom made me--

And then Kristen turns 24 Wednesday. I can't believe we had her when I was 15 and Karen was 12. Luckily, she's waited and held off on grandkids. She did adopt a little black child named Ollie and we baby sit quite a bit. But it's no big deal as he eats kibbles and bits so he's easy to keep happy. Plus he likes being put in his crate to nap so it's all good. All kids should be so easy...

TM: And now, a sensitive question. Forgive me, but what is up with all those bulldogs?

We have four dogs because they're way lower maintenance than our kids were. They never ask for money and are always happy to see us.

The Odyssey of Phyllis

This is a bit late in coming, but I thought everybody would appreciate it anyway.

Sunday afternoon, the day after Chris's wedding, I got a phone call while doing some landscaping for a friend.

Chris: Are you home? By a computer?

Me: No. What's up?

Chris: Mom's lost.

Me: What? How? Didn't she get lost the last time she drove home?

Chris: Yeah. She just called me, in tears. She has no idea where she's at and she's been driving around lost for hours, still in Michigan.

Me: Oh, dear.

I believe, having since spoken with my mom and doing some hard investigative research, I have correctly retraced the exact route she took and that it went a little something like this:


The next day day, I e-mailed her to ask what in the world happened. I got a response that can only be described as... lunacy. Here are excerpts of her reply, edited for brevity:

Chris told me NOT to go all the way out to the airport (which turns out to be the ONLY ....only there was a big orange sign that just said...I do not have a GPS system or map. HOW am I suppose to figure out a alternate route? What I should have done...get 275 which leads to the only entrance to 75 S....But I never had heard of 275 or heard anyone mention it....BUT NO...I felt I was going south, so that was good and that I should just keep going south until I found an...I ended up finding 6 entrances all marked with a big orange sign that said...I kept running into the lake. I was in Wyandotte, Riverview, Trenton, Flat Rock, Woodhaven, Amhersburg and Southgate.... I stopped so many times and people would give me directions to...and it would be closed. If you look on a map as I did when I got home...One guy did say to go to Eureka Road, but based on the fact it was obvious I had been crying he looks at me and changes his mind because he says it would be too complicated, so he tells me to take...TWO people told me to take northline RIGHT....I would REPEAT the instructions and they would say yes, I would write them down, and then they would be wrong!!!!!...Now I see if I HAD taken Eureka it would have...By the third time I called Chris I had ...for so long that I had no clue what direction was south or north, east or west. I couldn't even see the sun there were so many clouds.... I keep my eyes peeled, see the road finally and...only to have the SICK realization that I was on....the south exit was probably just a little farther down and since I was so frantic and saw the road I was suppose to look for I just got on 275 BEFORE I realized I had turned on the north exit. There were NO off ramps for miles... I didn't care. I didn't care if I was arrested. I turned left and gunned my car through the grass...

....

Can You Believe This Guy?

Okay, I'll just go ahead and admit it. I never thought any of my cousins were ever going to humor me and answer my silly questions and fill out my silly questionnaires to make this blog work. And if any of them did, I was sure it wasn't going to be Nate or Kristen, being that they are children of Stephen Thompson the Silent and Private Ad Mystic (for the record, I kid. Stephen was one of the first people to respond to me when I set this up).

But this just goes to prove how little I know. Because not only did Gabe and Emily represent in full right off the bat, Richard flew in for a quick follow up and dunked the dickens out of his update (that's my attempt at bringing some type of sports talk to this blog. It's kind of beautiful how it makes absolutely no sense, isn't it?).

And now. NOW. I bring to you the latest Thompson madness from my inbox: Nate Thompason takes the Thompson Questionnaire, giving Richard a run for the title of Funniest Thompson.

NATE



Describe your hairstyle in two words or less.

-long

What is your favorite song?

-probably New Slang by the Shins

What is the last thing that totally blew your mind.

- pulling a 94% on a dynamics final that was worth 50% of my grade

How's your love life?

- ballin'

If there's one dessert you could eat until it hurts,
what would it be?

-not a big dessert fan, but i do eat loaves of french bread like it's my job

When is your bedtime?

-I try to go to bed around midnight so I don't drag all day

Einstein said: "A table, a chair, a bowl of fruit
and a violin. What else does a man need to be
happy?" Customize this quote to fit yourself.

-"A paperclip, a rubberband, a piece of string
and a penny. What else does a man need to be
diffuse a nuclear bomb?" Macguyver rules.

What is your most under appreciated attribute?

-punctuality

What is your pet's name?

-otis, lola, elmo, lily, skylar

How much can you bench press?

-not enough

Quick, how old are Betty and Leroy Thompson?

-mid to late 40's

And what are they really doing with all that free
time?

-partying hardcore

Will you announce your candidacy this year?

-yeah but don't tell grandma and grandpa, I'm running as a democrat

Chris Gets More Ink

Photos and captions by Chris. I'll be withholding my usual commentary because I feel it's really not even necessary:



Say hello to the newest member of me. Its the gps (longitude latitude) coordinates of the hospital where sepporah was born.


It will be on display at this years annual Thompson Thanksgiving Gun Show.

Blankenhorns Represent!

To carry us into the weekend we've got a new person in the family chiming in, somebody who I've been wanting very much to get in on the blog because of his... how you say... ah, yes... unique sense of humor. That's right. Richard Scott. In this update we learn about the cutthroat world of high finance, unbridled bachelorism and chronic video game addiction, as well as being treated to some truly corny jokes. And, as always, I reserve the right to crack wise in brackets.

I'd also like to point out, speaking as a professional copy editor, that Richard's written grammar skills are basically impeccable. Who knew?

Ladies and gentlemen, give it up for Richard. SCOTT. BLAAAAAAANKENHOOOOORN!!!!

Richard writes:

Right now I am working at Scottrade [See, he's already got them to name the place after him. I'm telling you, world takeover, this guy.] and living with my college roommate in a duplex, a few miles from downtown St. Louis. I recently took the CFA exam and am going to start earning my masters in finance come August. My hobbies include Cardinals baseball, golf, and my latest obsession: European football [That's "Soccer" to the rest of us - ed.], particularly Chelsea FC. I recently took a trip to Boston to visit a friend and to see the Cardinals play the Red Sox at Fenway Park. I am also going to Chicago in late August to see the Cards vs. the Cubs. A bunch of old friends from highschool and I take a trip to Chicago every year for a Cards vs. Cubs series. [So.... you're saying you like the Cardinals?] Other than sports, I love hanging out with my friends, playing poker, watching movies, playing xbox 360 online (although I usually get dominated by kids that are half my age, it's really annoying), studying, working out, and trying not to spend too much money since I'm practically broke. The last movie I saw was Indiana Jones, but I have to say I was pretty disappointed [for more on this, I'm going to allow Chris to write a whole post on his fury at the new Indiana Jones. Dude was heartbroken.]. Oh, another interest of mine is really corny jokes.....and here are a few examples:

1. Did you hear about the two antennas that got married? It was quite an affair. I wish I could have attended because I heard that, while the ceremony was ok, the reception was absolutely phenomenal.

2. Did you hear that Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table? Apparently the only element he believes in is the element of surprise.

3. Did you hear about the Indian that drank 50 gallons of tea? Apparently they found him the next morning lying in his own tea pee.

4. A sandwich walks into a bar and the bartender says, "I'm sorry, but we don't serve food here."

I don't know why but these sort of jokes crack me up. But seriously, joking aside, I am having a great time living on my own, close to the city, with no strings attached.

Chris's Wedding Photos Revised

I've updated the link on the original post of Chris's wedding photos. The new file is smaller in size. I also noticed that the pictures were too dark and some were too green, because of the tent. So I fixed those issues, because I'm kind of anal like that.

Wedding Photos Revised

The new file also includes some pictures with "special" effects that Chris asked me to try out. Below are a few examples. I know that Stephen and Gabe like to play around in Photoshop with raw photos too. Maybe for future events, we could post links to the untouched photos for those who are interested and then post whatever they come up with on the blog. Might be cool.